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We all first learned of this hallowed standard—the Black Belt—from TV and movies. And most of all, on the playground where it was spoken of in reverend tones. Did you know Ronnie’s dad is a Black Belt? That means he can kick as high as your head. He can break a 2X4 with a Karate chop. He can climb right up a brick wall. He knows how to kill you just by tapping lightly on your temple. And when he dies, they have to bury him in China.

I’m assessing whether or not I have internal bleeding in my liver. It’s hard to say, so I’m going to wait till morning and see if I’m more yellow than usual. How’d this happen? Well, I have my own personal Agent Smith. On the remote chance that you have not seen The Matrix, Agent Smith is an entity that the heroes of the film are not able to harm in anyway, even if they hit him. Whereas the damage that Agent Smith does to them is both significant and lasting.